Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
