The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
