final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
