I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
where are my eyebrows?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
