You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
