I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
