it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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