Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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