He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
