When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I supernannyed him into submission
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
