i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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