I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
