Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
