Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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