he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
