I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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