My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
