i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
