He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
