I hate your face
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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