Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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