I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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