alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
