I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
