Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
