I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
