Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
