I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
