I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
