My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
