He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
