I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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