dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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