Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
