Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
