thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
