you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
