Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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