that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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