i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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