well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
