The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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