After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
