Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
