Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
