I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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