is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
