His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
