is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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