Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
