brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Small penises have feelings too.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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