I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
