I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
