the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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