when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
