watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
