Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
