Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
