Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
