I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need moral support for this bender
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
